maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
