She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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