There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize