bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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