"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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