he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
