barbara walters just said penis...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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