all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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