i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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