I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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