Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
