Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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