i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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