No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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