That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
