my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
