Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
