Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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