I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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