We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We are two peas in an std pod
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
