Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
