she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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