went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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