best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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