the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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