So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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