a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just had sex bonerless
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
