i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
