Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
