I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
