Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
