Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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