i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
