so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
