WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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