I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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