just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
