Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
