i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am midnight drunk by noon
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
