i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
