Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize