she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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