okay pat passed out under dana's car
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
