i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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