Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
