guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
