no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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