i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i love accidental penises.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
