I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
