Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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