dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
