it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
