I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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