Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
