you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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