I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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