You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
