Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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