I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
