I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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