Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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