its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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