do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
