How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
