Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a beard to bite.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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