I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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