My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
