So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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