Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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