Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
