just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
