She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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