I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
