Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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