so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
