I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
