I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
