im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
