it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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