He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
