If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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