Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
